Warrior ChickensLegend of Burl the Finder and the Cake Recipe
King Maximus Chicken III was visited by a wandering Craggle named Graki. Graki was an old bird in a torn jacket with one twitchy eye and a gray beard. He told the king of a large kingdom far in the east where the people lived in the sea. Graki said the people were called Mer Folk, and that they had discovered ways of living on the land. The king asked Graki what favor he might want in exchange for this information. Graki told the king he wanted nothing, but he roosted in the palace for three days and nights and ate so much food the king had to raise taxes.
The king worried the Mer Folk might want to invade the Warrior Chicken empire, so he called for Mortimer Rooster and commanded him to investigate. Mortimer picked three of his best scouts and sent them to find the way to the kingdom of Mer Folk. The scouts’ names were Earthenbrook, Delwin, and Burbon.
One night after the scouts set camp, they got into an argument over the legend of Burl the Finder.
It started like this:
Delwin said, “I wish we had some cake.”
“Scouts only carry scratch,” said Earthenbrook, putting another log on the fire.
“I wish we had the recipe for cake,” said Burbon.
“All we need to do is find an ancient warrior from a forgotten tribe in a deep dark dungeon” Delwin laughed.
“Warrior?” asked Burbon, “Like a Raven warrior?”
“No,” said Delwin, “A Warrior Chicken, but from an ancient tribe no one remembers… Remember? Burl the Finder was on a quest to find a crystal that would make King Aracauna handsome. He was an ugly king, they say.
“Anyway, while in a dungeon far to the north, Burl had to fight through traps and webs and spiders to get to the heart of the dungeon. There he discovered a pedestal, but instead of a crystal, it only held up a small piece of crumpled paper. Burl reached for the paper, but at that moment a wizened old Warrior Chicken wielding a sword, stopped him. Burl asked who he was.
“The old Warrior Chicken said he was the crystal guard. Burl asked the bearded warrior if they must fight if Burl took the paper from the pedestal.
“The old warrior shook his head. ‘I was supposed to guard the crystal,’ he said.
“‘Where is the crystal,’ asked Burl. ‘My king commanded me to retrieve it.’
“‘Alas,’ said the old warrior, tears running into his beard. ‘I was supposed to guard it, but now it is gone. The thief left only that note.’
“So, Burl took the paper back to King Aracauna, and we’ve had cake ever since.”
“No, no, no,” said Burbon. “You have it all wrong. Burl was sent to take the recipe. King Aracuana had heard the legend of the delicious cake from a passing Crow. He sent Burl to the Cave of Ravens to discover it. Burl had to fight through flocks of Craggles, but he was carrying Deputy Clucker’s ancient blade, forged from a meteor, which Burl had inherited from his father.
“At last, deep in the cave, Burl came to the royal chamber where he fought one-on-one against Harg Boar Hunter, king of Ravens. Burl bested Harg but did not kill him. In exchange for this kindness, Harg commanded his lieutenant to give the recipe to Burl and allow Burl free passage. And that’s how we got the cake recipe.”
“What are you squawkin about?” said Earthenbrook. “You’re both way off! It was Burl the Finder, alright, but everyone forgets about Yeastus. And it wasn’t an old, bearded warrior or a huge Raven king they fought. It was a Pig. His name was Murmor the lunatic Pig. He said crazy things.
“But Murmor was a wizard and tried to put a curse on Burl. He called the skeletons of old adventurers to attack Burl and Yeastus, but Burl was more than a match for the strongest skeleton.
“Then Murmor did put a spell on Burl, and Burl was frozen, and eyeballs and skeletons were coming to get him, but Yeastus shot Murmor in the leg, and the spell was broken.
“Murmor tried to hide in an old cistern, but Burl and Yeastus dragged him out and silenced him forever. In the pig’s chest pocket they discovered the recipe for cake. That’s how the Warrior Chickens first found the recipe.”
The three scouts had many adventures on their way to discover the route to the Mer Folk, but those stories will have to wait for another time.
The Battle of Big Boar Hills
At the Battle of Big Boar Hills the Warrior Chickens defeated the Warrior Pigs when Mortimer the Rooster led his band of Warrior Chickens in the fight. After discovering the Warrior Pigs had stolen and distributed the Warrior Chickens’ precious cake, King Maximus Chicken III tasked Mortimer to track down the thieving pigs and to retrieve any cake they had left.
Mortimer, a Golem Rooster, felt no fear. He led his band into the Big Boar Hills and set an ambush. When the time was right, he blew his famous horn and led the charge while his archers flew into action, taking the Warrior Pigs by surprise. The Warrior Pigs fought bravely, but in the end lost.
Hamrad the Swordbird defeated Guz the Ham and his armor bearer Phil, and Mortimer Rooster turned Bimbo of the Mace into a fine red mist. Mortimer the Rooster returned and presented the king with most of the stolen cake, but not all. Some had been eaten.
The king sat on his throne pondering whether to go to all out war against the Warrior Pigs. In the meantime he doubled the Royal Cake Guards charged with protecting the cake. Hamrad the Swordbird received a knighthood for his bravery and was put in charge of the Royal Cake Guards. Mortimer Rooster was given high honors, and made the commander of all the king’s warriors.
about us
The Warrior Chickens were created by John Mahan in 2019.
Copyright © 2021 John Mahan